Mediating in Slow Motion

TERRI LALIBERTE and her husband, Mark, have been trying to save their Thomaston home since they found foreclosure papers stuck in their garage door one day after Christmas 2008. read more

Benefits of Divorce and Post Divorce Mediation

• Mediated divorces are usually much cheaper than litigated divorces. Comparison studies have shown a consistent cost savings to couples who choose the mediation alternative.
• In a mediated divorce, the parties that have to live with the outcomes are empowered to make the decisions. In a litigated divorce the parties have to live with an outcome imposed by a judge.
• If a couple has children, they will continue to have a co-parenting relationship for years to come. Mediation helps insure that they have a parenting plan that they can both live with. This minimizes the likelihood that children will get caught in the middle of their parents’ unresolved conflicts.
• Mediation also leaves the door open for compromise and further negotiation as circumstances change over time.
• A collaborative approach allows both parties the opportunity to meet and communicate in person until they reach a mutual understanding.
• In general, participants report that they feel better about themselves, and each other, at the end of the process.

Benefits of Divorce and Post-Divorce Mediation:

Divorce mediation has three very important advantages to remember. First, you are in control. Throughout the mediation process you will be in charge of the outcome. You are not handing your family’s well-being over to lawyers and a judge who have no stake in the the resolution of this matter. YOU DO. While communication may be difficult at first and the amount of conflict high a skillful mediator will get you past these roadblocks whereas the court system, lawyers and even the judge will undoubtedly only increase the conflict and you will lose sight of your family’s best interest. Learning to communicate is important and you will feel empowered knowing that your fate rests in your hands.

The second advantage to mediation is cost savings. Hiring individual lawyers, experts and other services throughout divorce litigation becomes overwhelming to the point where one or both parties often “give up” because of a lack of control and outrageous expenses. Again, these outsiders do not care about your family personally. They are there to do a job YOU should be doing on your own. With mediation, you are paying the mediator(s) but the parties share in the cost proportionately to their income levels. Instead of individual costs and arguments over attorney’s fees, couples are in charge of the cost together and the savings are often significant even where there are complex issues and outside services are required.

Another advantage to mediation is learning to communicate. Divorce is traumatic under any circumstances. Coming together to get married was a big decision; divorce is a big decision as well and carries a lot of emotional “baggage” that often has to be worked through. Litigation only encourages you to continue fighting and to not communicate tying those emotions up and leaving them unresolved. Those emotions will come out whether it is during a long and protracted and expensive litigation that ends with you losing everything or after the divorce in vengeaful spiteful conduct with children or money. Mediation is a process that helps people find solutions without feeding into or adding to the already hefty emotional weight of a divorce. A skillful mediator can help you start that process early on. You will feel great knowing that you and your spouse have worked through your divorce yourselves and it will empower you for the future.