No Fault of Their Own op-ed By RUTH BETTELHEIM
“As we have just passed the 40th anniversary of that much vilified institution, the no-fault divorce, it is an appropriate moment to re-evaluate how divorce affects families, and particularly children. The California law took effect on Jan. 1, 1970, and was followed by a wave of marital separations that continues to this day — and also a wave of rhetoric condemning divorce for harming children and undermining the fabric of society.” continue reading No Fault of Their Own
Benefits of Divorce and Post-Divorce Mediation:
Divorce mediation has three very important advantages to remember. First, you are in control. Throughout the mediation process you will be in charge of the outcome. You are not handing your family’s well-being over to lawyers and a judge who have no stake in the the resolution of this matter. YOU DO. While communication may be difficult at first and the amount of conflict high a skillful mediator will get you past these roadblocks whereas the court system, lawyers and even the judge will undoubtedly only increase the conflict and you will lose sight of your family’s best interest. Learning to communicate is important and you will feel empowered knowing that your fate rests in your hands.
The second advantage to mediation is cost savings. Hiring individual lawyers, experts and other services throughout divorce litigation becomes overwhelming to the point where one or both parties often “give up” because of a lack of control and outrageous expenses. Again, these outsiders do not care about your family personally. They are there to do a job YOU should be doing on your own. With mediation, you are paying the mediator(s) but the parties share in the cost proportionately to their income levels. Instead of individual costs and arguments over attorney’s fees, couples are in charge of the cost together and the savings are often significant even where there are complex issues and outside services are required.
Another advantage to mediation is learning to communicate. Divorce is traumatic under any circumstances. Coming together to get married was a big decision; divorce is a big decision as well and carries a lot of emotional “baggage” that often has to be worked through. Litigation only encourages you to continue fighting and to not communicate tying those emotions up and leaving them unresolved. Those emotions will come out whether it is during a long and protracted and expensive litigation that ends with you losing everything or after the divorce in vengeaful spiteful conduct with children or money. Mediation is a process that helps people find solutions without feeding into or adding to the already hefty emotional weight of a divorce. A skillful mediator can help you start that process early on. You will feel great knowing that you and your spouse have worked through your divorce yourselves and it will empower you for the future.
Brenda Baietto featured in the new book: