For the Guilty Mom

And just what are you guilty of? You are guilty of wasting time. What on earth did you accomplish this week, much less today? You are guilty of failing another supper, complete with overcooked veggies and undercooked meat for one child, and undercooked veggies and overcooked meat for another. Perhaps you should not have left the cooking to the last minute? You are guilty of spending too much time on Facebook, and the pain of regret devours your conscience, especially when your perfect friend is posting continuously on her perfect life and perfect family. You are guilty of ignoring your children. Deep down you believe this was better than simply yelling at them all day. You are guilty of jealousy towards your husband and his career. His recognition of achievement, and his ability to have a break from raising children throughout the day, is so far removed from what you do. You are guilty of going out in public with unsightly clothes, ignoring the dirty bathroom, leaving a mess of greasy dishes for your husband to do when he comes home (that selfish blockhead), spending too much money on children’s clothes, not exercising regularly, forgetting to pay the water bill, finishing the chocolate, and finally of beginning the next day without any hope of change.

The guilt of the mom is further weighed by the guilt of living the status quo. Idleness is the devil’s workshop, and sadness and regret its instruments. Fear not. You do not have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. Can it not be that change can begin in small ways?

What if children were prayer-trained? When you first wake up they could have a bisquit and a book, and be taught to be quiet while you pray. Perhaps five minutes to start, and onward and upward. Would this not help? What if a quick load of laundry, with the selfish need of getting yourself a clean shirt, could be actualized from time to time, rather than doing all seven overwhelming loads at once? What if meals were planned out, or at least you knew that on Tuesday was pasta night, Wednesday brunch-for-supper, Thursday stir fries, and so on? Would the consistency be of benefit? What about making to-do lists? Checking off accomplishments? Limiting Facebook to certain times? Knowing that a break from your children is ok? That yelling at them should scream to you: “Go have a nap woman!” What about asking your husband for some alone time instead of resenting his career? Seriously, just ask (politely!). You see, the guilt requires but a small step, and then another, and before long you no longer need to feel inferior to Mrs. Facebook-Perfect and her cavity-free perfect children.

Guilt must not freeze your efforts. Start small, but go the distance: “You cannot be half a saint; you must be a whole saint or no saint at all,” (St. Therese of Lisieux). Guilt might never leave, but it must not leave you paralyzed.

Read the rest here.

Pornography Causes Divorce – Destroys Marriages

The research is clear – porn destroys relationships and will bring pain and damage to a marriage – the most precious relationship precisely because it mirrors that of our Lord – the sacred Trinity. As the Trinity is in relationship of love, so are the spouses in marriage.

Now that pornography is widely accepted, accessible and normalized, I must tell you that in my practice I hear many, many men and women talk about the harm porn has caused in their marriage. The beauty and intimacy of the total gift of self-giving in sexual intercourse is violated, done violence to, by pornography. And God help us, our children will face serious issues related to intimacy and sexual relationships given their exposure to porn. It is an epidemic – one we are afraid to face for a variety of reasons.

Take heart friends, you are not alone..and there is help. You can save your marriage and recapture the intimacy and love you knew with your spouse. The first step, however, is to draw the boundary and stop participating in, stop watching, and extricate yourself from the grips of porn. If you are not involved and only your spouse is, then you must draw this same boundary with your spouse. You must bring the issue to the surface, confront him or her about the porn and stand firm that you cannot move forward with intimacy unless real help is taken. Understanding what porn does to the brain is so important and then understanding what it does to the heart and the world.

Brain Heart World is a 3 part documentary discussing the effects of porn. Filled with testimony and real life experiences, this documentary will help you and your spouse better understand the danger of porn and why it must be eradicated from your life and your relationships.

Four Questions To Ask Before Filing For Divorce

Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse created “Four Questions To Ask Before Filing For Divorce. I credit Dr. Morse for her extensive work on marriage and family. Marriage is a great “good” and I know anyone who got married did so thinking they would be married forever. IF you are reading this post then you are considering divorce. I know you have probably been agonizing about this decision for some time; that you are suffering; that you feel misunderstood or not heard or lost and confused. If you have children, this whole thing is way worse. Please, read Dr. Morse’s four questions carefully. Then, come see me and let’s talk about your situation. I have listened to spouses – alone and together – for a lot of years and I have learned that so many problems in marriage are surmountable. There are resources. There is support for you. Perhaps divorce is your answer or perhaps there is an alternative. Come in and discuss your situation with me and let’s work together to determine your next step. I am not here just to get you divorced, though I can do that, I am also here as a counselor at law. Use my experience and expertise to help your family.

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To read more from Dr. Morse go here. She is an incredible resource.

Want a Stronger Marriage? Praying Together Strengthens Marriage

When two people share the same faith, when they go to Church together, and when they add in the super glue of praying together, their marriage is fortified against divorce and made stronger and happier. This is a secret weapon that everyone should know about and talk about. Don’t kid yourselves, those married couples who practice their faith together have better marriages than the rest of us. Read the article linked above – the research proves it.

The Annulment Process Can Truly Be A Blessing

“I wish I could take the hand of every person fretting over whether they should pursue an annulment, and walk them to the door of their rectory, because I would. I know the experience would be slightly different for each of us, but for me the annulment process showed itself to be an actual, pastoral gift of real healing and self-discovery. I learned so much, and if I can do this, you can.”

read more here.