Wives Be Submissive – Yup, I Said It.

Costanza Miriano’s Woman, Get Married and Be Submissive – on being the perfect wife – has sold over 100,000 copies.
Miriano’s book contains advice to women and wives to be submissive to their husbands. No, that does not mean be a doormat or be unhealthy and allow your husband to abuse you. It does mean the following to Miriano:

“Women forget that they can’t have it all: working like a man and being at home like a woman. Power is not designed for women.”

Miriano is no shrinking violet either. She is a working journalist in Italy writing best-sellers at home at the same time she “submits” to her husband as both of them raise their four kids.

From the blog, Garvan Hill,
“As you might expect, a book expressing those ungarnished sentiments has also created a storm. An ultra politically correct Spanish government minister – a woman – wants it banned there. But apart from having a laugh all the way to the bank, Costanza is also having a good laugh at the simpletons who are misreading her book and her intentions. In summary she has done nothhing more than present us with a very sane and rich view of marriage in a guise so alien to the pc mores of today that it is ‘way-off-the-scale post-modern, a very refreshing antidote to the vacuous and poisonous Briget Jones of our time.”

Miriano does have a blog that has an English Language Version on which you can read some extracts from her books.

One excerpt is a letter to a married friend whose wedding she attended with her own family. It was meant to be a letter written before the wedding, a kind of wedding gift, but chaos seems to have put an end to that intention. As it turns out it seems the letter-writing had to wait a few years.

The meat of her letter, her “gift” to her friend, Margherita is as follows:

It is the secret for a holy wedding, which is the same as saying a happy one. The secret is for a woman, in front of the man she chose, to take a step backwards. And, as you know me well, you also may well know this is not in my nature at all. I’m not exactly a docile person, but I have turned into one I believe, I hope, because I think this is what being a spouse means: to embrace, first of all.
 
And you know that I, just like anybody, don’t like losing. I’ve been more than competitive at school, at university. Even more in sports…But when it comes to life as a couple, you have to compete in the opposite way: two steps backwards. And you must do it even when you don’t understand why, even when you’re convinced you have good reasons. In that very moment, perform an act of trust towards your husband. Get out of the logic of the world, “I want to get the better of him”, and enter the logic of God, who put at your side your husband, that saint who bears you after everything, and who, incidentally, is also a handsome guy. And if something he does is not fine with you, it is God Himself you have to confront, to begin with: get down on your knees, and most time you’ll solve everything.
 
Luigi is the way God chose to love you and he is your way to heaven. When he says something, then you must listen to him as if God was talking to you; with full discernment, clearly, in wisdom and cleverness, of course, because he is a creature, but with respect, because he often sees more clearly than you do. Our vocation, whatever it is, is the source of our happiness. As the Russian Orthodox theologian, Pavel Evdokimov, says, if the objective end of the wedding is generating children, the subjective end is to generate ourselves. Margherita is not fully herself without Luigi!
 
Can you realize how great and invaluable a thing you have in your hands? In this enterprise you just started, with the grace of God, you will generate yourself. “But how do you do that?” you asked on the phone some thousand times. Do I have to let him have the better of me even when he’s wrong? I say yes. In the first place because it seems to you that he’s wrong, and if, as we were saying, he’s the one who leads you to your wholeness, to your completeness, it is exactly when he thinks differently from you that you have to open up to him, and embrace him. It is exactly then that what he tells you has a precious meaning for you, it adds something, it makes you whole, makes you grow, lets you make a shift.
 
If you just embrace what you agree with,  what you think, you are not married to a man, but to yourself. You must submit yourself to him. When you two must choose between what you like and what he likes, choose in his favour. And this is easy. When there’s a decision to take, and after you weighed the pros and cons the answer is still not clear, trust him, and let him have the last word. This is a little difficult sometimes. When it seems to you that his is completely wrong, for the the sake of both of you, even for the kids, maybe, still keep trusting his clearness of mind. This may seem to be an unbearable effort. You will be afraid, because abandoning your beliefs is scary. But you’re not jumping into the void; you’re jumping into his arms.
 You’ll see, I can swear on it, a man cannot resist a woman who respects him, recognizes his authority, who makes a sincere effort to listen to him, to let aside her own way of seeing things, who tramples on her ever-biting, teasing, failure-highlighting tongue (we’re very good at that, no doubt), who accepts to walk on paths that are extremely different from those she would naturally choose, just out of love.
 
Day by day, he will start asking you what you think, what to do, which way your family should go. And this respect you achieve through respect, this devotion through submission. This is why, having finally won my husband’s respect, I now feel ready to calmly explain to him how greatly beneficial it would be to build a garden walk. And even when the fruits seem to be late, we Christians must know they are ripening. We are happy in hope, aren’t we? We know what happens to us is not to be measured on the world’s meter. We know any suffering, even a little one, produces sometimes mysterious, yet never lost, fruits, if accepted with love.

Mediation Is Hard But Worth It

Even with the onset of Collaborative Law, I am still a strong believer in the mediation process. When people dig in and work to understand the other person, the situation, the future, they make better decisions for themselves and they learn a lot along the way. That does not exclude getting professional advice, but it does mean you staying in control of the final decision which puts the professional from whom you are seeking advice in a different position than what is normally expected.

Mediation is hard work but for precisely the reasons it is hard, it is worth it. A mediator tells us why in a nice, succinct article. Read it here.

A Voice for Women in Marriage

I find this woman to be filled with love and the Truth of God. She stands up for women in a way that our modern society and modern feminist voices simply do not understand and therefore fear and condemn. Take a listen here and see for yourself.

Parents: How To Teach Sexuality To Your Children

An important read for parents regarding how to teach sexuality to your children. This is one of our primary duties as parents. Yet, it is so difficult especially where schools and media are taking over the job. There is a tendency for many parents to step away and let others form their children or to give in and forget that with Christ the positive practice of chastity is not only possible but enjoyable and meaningful for your children. Parents we must remember that our Lord has entrusted children to us. It is through His gift that we have our children and it is a calling of each parent to rear your child in the Lord. Our Father has given us the beautiful gift of sexuality. By learning about what the Church has to say and passing this on to your children you will form your children appropriately – in the way of love – and in the process you will form yourself, strengthening your marriage which is the basis and foundation of your family.

God be with you.

Parents Are Still Parents Despite Divorce

One of the worst results of divorce is the couple that continues to prolong the divorce war and make the kids part of it. Most of the time these spouses do not realize they are doing it because they are only caught up in their own emotions and needs. Or they have justified to themselves that they are behaving as they do to protect the kids or to help the kids. That is usually hogwash.

Divorce is awful for kids…at any age. Older kids, younger kids, teens – all are severely affected by divorce. The research is out there. Read it. If you are being divorced…if you are divorcing your spouse…please consider carefully the Parenting Plan for your kids. There are no final answers when it comes to kids. Your plan cannot account for 18 years straight. If you are trying to do that you are hurting your kids and being selfish. Stop it.

Creating the Parenting Plan will come with significant difficulties especially if your divorce is difficult. This article discusses how to put your children first. Specifically, it talks about the necessity of considering children’s evolving and growing needs. In reality this means that you and your ex, whether between yourselves or through a mediative process, over time, will be talking about and modifying the Parenting Plan as the kids’ needs require.

Yeah…that’s right. The Divorce does not end it. Mothers and Fathers are mothers and fathers even after divorce and that requires parental meetings and joint decision-making related to your kids. This crucial fact is often not discussed in divorce proceedings because spouses and their attorneys fail to accept this reality, minimize it because money issues become paramount, or worse, try to create a Parenting Plan that never needs updating. Children need parents, who even after divorce, are willing to parent in a way that takes into consideration the child’s needs which includes access to their other parent.