In divorce I often see the case where one party would like to mediate the case and the other party is unwilling and locked into a position. This is a bullying tactic. A bully must be dealt with carefully. A skilled negotiator can often bring the bully to the table. However, sometimes it cannot be done. Divorce Coaching helps people deal with a bully. Many times the answer is to focus on your own needs instead of the bully’s demands. We get caught up in the actions of the bully and play into his or her agenda. That is a waste of time. Coaching helps you restrategize by helping you refocus on your own needs and how to achieve them.
To change the process you must not engage the bully. To counter the bully you must stop focusing on his or her behaviors. Coaching will help you focus on your behaviors, your role in the relationship and the necessary exit strategy that is best for you. In many cases this means shifting the focus to the best interests of the children and reevaluating what that means in your situation. In other cases it means evaluating your future and the direction you want to go. Taking the time to do this causes a dramatic change in the process because a more focused keen understanding of yourself and the needs of your children completely changes the way you respond. Changing the way your respond changes the process no matter what the bully does. You will quickly realize what not to waste energy and money on and start thinking about your real needs and how to creatively get them. It is empowering because you are no longer held hostage by the demands of the other.
Furthermore, you give your children valuable lessons. First, you show them that sometimes we all need help and asking for the right kind of help is the smart thing to do. Second, you show them that you will not engage in a game of disparaging their mother or father and that you will not allow them to be manipulated. They will remember this forever. Third, you will teach teach them how to deal with bullies. They will meet them in life and watching you handle a similar situation will model correct behavior. Modeling is one of the strongest way to impart lessons to children. .
Research clearly shows that next to the death of a spouse or a child, divorce is the most stressful life event. Most people are not skilled enough to handle this situation on their own. Where there are more complex issues like a vindictive spouse, parental alientation syndrome or even the emotional fallout from adultery, it is a time when you can benefit most from constructive support and guidance not from friends who may take your side and egg you on in the process but from professionals who have lived the process and know and understand the common stressors and the common pitfalls. It is also a time when yoou need to be careful not to unnecessarily burden yourselves with added expenses.
Coaching is affordable. The money you spend on a divorce coach is pennies next to the money you save in wasted litigation over unnecessary issues. Most of the money I made as an attorney was made because people wanted to fight and thought the legal process was the way to do it. They wanted a hired gun to come in and play winner take all no matter what the stakes. People do not realize the cost of that game and furthermore, they usually run out of money before the game is over. $10,000 can be gone and you are really just beginning to get the case going. With a coach you will bypass so much needless filings because your strategy will be different. You will be different and you will handle it all differently.
So if you are feeling overwhelmed and confused within the process of divorce; if you have a vindictive spouse, if you are trapped in endless litigation or if you are post divorce and cannot see your way forward, come talk with us. We can offer you a financially reasonable plan and make it easy to be coached via scype, telephone conference, meeting for coffee or other creative solutions.