When I am speaking with couples consulting with me about divorce, we talk about the “good” that is marriage. On so many levels marriage (between a man and a woman) is good for people’s spiritual health, mental health, fiscal health, and physical health. Numerous studies do find that married people are happier despite what Bill Maher, Hollywood, TV shows, or the divorced might tell you. That means the science is behind marriage. And we are people who live in the science these days EXCEPT when it tells us what we dont want to hear. When that happens, I watch my friends who absolutely love to give me the “science” on things like climate change, back off and instead throw down snarky remarks like, “oh, yeah, so divorce is NEVER needed then, according to you.” Wrong. But let’s face it, divorce hurts people, children and society and we ignore that in favor of an over emphasis on our feelings. It it doesn’t “feel” right, if I don’t “feel” in love, if I “feel” bad today in my relationship – the knee-jerk reaction is divorce which comes with a whole lot of societal support that tells you divorce is the best thing to do, you deserve better, your kids will be fine, and it is all about your happiness.
“Perhaps one of the biggest myths of all about marriage is that feelings are all that matter. But feelings come and go. As my wife (for 37 years, thank God) once put it, “Our culture says: ‘Cling to your feelings.’ God says, ‘Cling to your spouse.’” ”