My Lord and My God have mercy on my sinful, pitiful self. How I yearn for you yet turn so quickly away. How little time I make for you yet expect you to perform miracles in my life. How little I understand the sacrifice You made for me – that you allowed Yourself, Your Son, My Saviour, Jesus Christ to not be saved from his incredible suffering and death. How quickly I cry out that you have abandoned me without, even for a moment, stopping to think of Christ who was left on the cross to die – die a painful, humiliating death for love. How weak my faith when things get tough and how high my expectations that “I” should be made alright. How tightly I cling to my own will without regard for others, for You, all the while knowing that my will is worthless and set on worthless goals.
I think of Veronica, a woman who bravely and without regard for herself rushed to Jesus to wipe His adorable face. It brings me to tears because as much as I want to believe I would have run too to wipe the Adorable Face of my God suffering for me, I know that on my own it never would have happened. I know that left to my own devices I would have shaken hands with the devil and wondered why this man who claimed He was something could do nothing in the face of human pressure and I probably would have walked away and said nothing, did nothing, to protest the wrong done to the innocent.
It is only through the sanctifying grace of Christ that we have worth. It is only when we stay close to Him, participate in His sacraments, and love Him with everything we are above all and before all that we can get tastes of the sanctifying grace that moves us toward Himself – the Only True Good – the One who is, who was and who will be forever. And then our life has meaning and our eyes are opened and our hearts swell with love for Him and for others and we know, without study, through His grace what we must do and we have the courage to do it. As we enter the drama of this Holy Week in which the One God has chosen to stoop and participate in human history for love of His creation, let us, on bended knee with tears of love, remember our worthlessness and reach out to Him who suffered FIRST and run to Him and wipe His face with love.